Working on my Mental Game

     Last night, I opened up my training schedule and my first thought was, "this can't be for me.  My coach must have put the wrong schedule up.  Maybe it's for one of his other athletes."  After going through my list of excuses for why this couldn't possibly be for me, I took a step back and realized, not one of those workouts is that hard.  Sure some of them are going to be difficult but certainly not impossible.  And yes, there's a lot of running in there for someone who has recently been dealing with an overuse injury (yes, I'm working with a doctor, and no, this isn't me "running through" an injury).

     But as I was dreading these workouts and processing my excuses, I realized something.  I was thinking of myself as the old me.  The me that had trouble running a mile. The girl that balked at the idea of any kind of activity short of sitting and watching TV. That girl.

I hate this picture of me (left),  It was taken the weekend of my law school graduation and made me truly realize what 3 years of studying and sitting on my ass had done to me.  I mean seriously, where are my eyes?

     But the thing is, I'm no longer that girl.  Sure, that girl couldn't do these workouts.  But that girl also couldn't do last weeks workouts, or the week before that's workouts.  Really, she couldn't even do that workouts that I do when my coach tells me "just do whatever workouts you feel like doing."  Because back then, she only did "whatever workouts I [felt] like doing" and it was always no workout.

   I need to stop thinking of myself as that girl, because that's not the girl attempting these workouts.  The girl doing these workouts is different.  She completed 4 triathlons last season including a half ironman.  She's strong.  She can swim pretty fast.  She can run far.  And she can ride her bike even farther.

One of my favorite days last year.  The day I got my bike!

     Today I was explaining this feeling of being incapable on twitter, and one of my favorite bloggers and twitterers (word?  I think not) pointed me to a post she recently wrote. (Go read it.  It's way better than anything I've said or can say about it.)  And she is exactly right.  I think it's normal for a lot of people to feel like they are an impostor and are going to be discovered at any minute.  I feel like that every time I set up transition.  But the thing is, I cross the finish line (I'm not looking to break world records here people) and reach my goals time after time.  And not just in triathlon.  In running too.  Since I started running I've taken almost a half hour off of my half marathon time.  And that's objective.  It happened.  And I can't explain it away.

    So maybe it's time to stop thinking of myself as that girl.  You know, the one who would be lucky to walk a mile.  And realize that this girl I've become, she's capable of so much more than I give her credit for.  And who knows what she could do if I only started believing in her a little bit.  I think it's time.  And it better be, because these workouts?  Well, they aren't getting any easier.